It was with great relief that I finally sat down on the recliner chair in my apartment, thankful that it was indeed done. Then sitting there I remembered the jolting noise I had heard when the soft and smooth text of the beautiful plate I dropped met the hard and unfeeling surface of my kitchen floor. Then the twinkle returned to my eye as I reminisced on the delight my heart felt when I looked down and realized the pieces were so small that I will never be able to retrieve them all. The joy of knowing that I was finally able to let it go made the nervousness that grew out of the possibility that I may actually step on one of those broken pieces insignificant and I told myself I will always remember to wear shoes in the kitchen until I was sure all the pieces had been swept away. So there I was, smiling uncontrollable and thankful that the one thing I clung to even against my conscious choice was finally gone and now there was room for new adventures into the amazing plans I have always know God had for me. Indescribable peace swept through me as I leaned back and reclined the chair to assume a posture that was somewhat indicative of the freedom I felt inside. The countless pieces into which the plate shattered still lay untouched….
Up to this point you are probably not sure where I am going with this and may be wondering if this has anything to do with you at all. So let me show you what this has to do with you by telling you what led to the experience I just described in the paragraph above. The night before I had sat down on my reading table and taken that long and hard look back into the past and inevitably plunged in the trip down memory lane that revealed unmet desires and an annoying inability to let go of some very deep seated anxiety as to why some desires in my heart had gone unmet. The more I thought about them, the more I realized that the cause of the frustration I felt was not so much the disappointment over the unmet desires as it was the desires and plans themselves. I realized that although I truly trust God and believe that He has a great plan for my life which involves the different times and seasons I encounter, the plans I had made for myself and goals I had set for specific times and seasons of my life were still secretly tucked away in the corners of my heart. And though I would rather not admit it here, the fact remained that those plans were the cause of untold pain and agony in my spirit.
After spending time in prayer and worship and reaffirming my trust in God, I realized that I needed a physical ritual that would bring healing and serve as one of the significant markers in my spiritual journey with the Lord. On and on I thought, trying hard to come up with something that would serve this purpose and mark the spot for the erection of my altar of brokenness. Then it hit me, and almost with fury, I walked to the kitchen, pulled out my favorite plate and after reminding myself of the significance of maintaining a posture of brokenness before the Lord always, I raised the plate and dropped it with all the strength I could muster. My lips still thin in an uncontrollable smile as I bring the act back to mind for the sake of constructing this post. I could never imagine that it would feel this amazing but it does — 🙂
So as you step into this second month of the year 2013, I encourage you to stop and take a look at the past. What is holding you back? What is keeping you from functioning in the full assurance of the trust you profess in the Lord? Is there a platform hidden somewhere in your heart where all the hopes, dreams, aspirations, desires, and wishes you have ever had are safely kept? How do you feel about those desires, dreams, aspirations, hopes or elements of them that have not happened as you expected? While I am not saying that there is anything wrong with having these hopes and dreams and expectations, I know from my personal experience that these very “good things” have to potential to cultivate a bitterness in the spirit that can alienate us not just from God but from all that He has purposed for us. I also know, and again from personal experience, that our ability to re-capture the good plans and purposes of the Master for us are linked to the extent to which our dreams and plans for us break and shatter.
I realize that not everyone is big on physical objects and markers like the one I made but regardless of the type of person that you are, I invite you to take that platform of personal dreams and aspirations and desires and hopes that is buried deep within you and is causing you more trouble than you can ever realize, surrender it to God and get rid of it. You can do as I did by breaking something as long as you live alone and will not endanger any kids or other members of your family by doing so yet whatever you do, make sure you Let It Drop and Shatter even if it only happens in your mind. I guarantee you that you will experience the highest form of freedom – freedom from yourself. The smaller the pieces, the harder it is to pick them and put them back together so give it all you’ve got! S-M-A-S-H! S-M-A-S-H!! S-M-A-S-H!!! 🙂
Remember that while doing something symbolic is good and liberating, the more essential element is being able to maintain a constant posture of brokenness before the Lord because there is no sacrifice you can present to Him that is better than a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, God will not despise (Psalm 51:17, paraphrased).
So what are you still waiting for? Take it, lift it up, let it drop and break!!! 😉
Journey with Della 