Journey with Della

The day was Father’s Day this year and I woke up with that sickening feeling at the pit of my stomach. The realization that my Father’s Day ritual would still not include a phone call to my dad brought new waves of grief rushing in. All at once, I started feeling all the negative energy slowly overtake me. I could feel scars that had formed in place of the gaping wounds left by my Dad’s passing starting to reopen.

I don’t know if it was the the unbearable pain I felt in that moment or just the realization that I could no longer go down that road but something jarred me out of that trajectory. I felt it rise from deep within me.

Strength I never knew I had. Resolve I thitherto could not summon. Holy anger I had only read about in Bible characters. That plain, yet resolute realization that enough was enough. As it made its way from the depths of my being bringing with it warmth that melted away the coldness that grief was starting to cover me with, I heard myself say those words.

No grief, not this time!

And with that, I got out of bed, made myself a cup of lemon green tea, picked up my phone and called the fathers I am privileged to still have in my life. I sent messages to those I could not reach determined not to let what no longer was ruin what is.

It was a small victory but the first building block to the bigger victory – the realization that I am indeed blessed to have been able to spend those many years with my father. His life and legacy remain a privilege that I will hold dear forever. And while there are days like today when I sincerely wish he were still around so we talk about different things, I am also not naive enough to let grief fool me that I would be having my way even if he were still here.

You see, the greatest challenge to overcome with grief is the lie that death is the worst thing that could happen to a loved one. It is not!

I don’t know who you have lost and what the journey with grief has been like for you but the next time it comes whispering that things would be the exact opposite if only the person you no longer have here had not died, remind grief that things could actually have been worse.

Today marks 25 months since my Daddy went home to be with Jesus. I miss him sorely but I choose to celebrate the goodness of God in calling Him home. Everything that God does is good and that includes my Father’s passing.