There’s a leadership epidemic we’re not talking about enough. It doesn’t show up in poor branding or weak vision statements. It shows up in something more dangerous: Leaders trying to build new futures with old mindsets.
We’re pouring clean water into dirty containers. We’re stuffing new wine into old wineskins. We’re layering fresh strategies on top of outdated beliefs. We’re applying new leadership models with old ego-driven instincts. We’re repeating patterns that once helped us survive—but now sabotage everything we’re trying to build. We’re going hard on learning—and completely ignoring the work of unlearning.
And it’s why so many people with massive potential keep collapsing under the weight of their own growth.
You’re Not Stuck Because You Lack Strategy.
You’re stuck because your foundation is compromised.
Let’s be honest. Most of us weren’t taught to slow down and evaluate what’s underneath our drive to lead, build, and succeed.
We were told to work harder. To hustle.
To stay ahead. To chase knowledge, credentials, progress. To consume the next podcast, leadership book, online course, or productivity hack.
Always more. Always forward.
But here’s the problem: you can’t fix surface problems with surface solutions. If the core of your thinking is broken—If your beliefs are fear-based, ego-driven, or rooted in wounded ambition—then every good thing you build on top of that will eventually begin to rot.
Foundational Cracks We Carry Into Leadership
Most leaders carry residue from:
- Past environments that praised performance over authenticity
- Churches or organizations that over-spiritualized dysfunction
- Cultures that confused hustle with calling
- Families that taught survival, not vision
- Trauma dressed up as “drive”
That bitterness you normalized? That need to prove yourself? That default to control instead of trust? Those defense mechanisms built in scarcity? They will sabotage what you’re building.
But we keep:
- Avoiding rest, because rest feels like weakness
- Leading without vulnerability, because we fear being seen
- Chasing growth, while ignoring healing
- Producing fruit without checking the root
And then we wonder why burnout, breakdown, and moral failure are so common in leadership spaces. We continually pour clean water into dirty cups and then wonder why it tastes off. You can’t carry outdated mindsets into new levels of influence and expect them to hold.
The issue isn’t your new idea. It’s your old foundation. You’re not failing because of what you don’t know. You’re failing because of what you never unlearned. It’s not that the “new” isn’t good. It’s that the “old” hasn’t been dealt with.
Before You Build, You Must Clean House
We don’t pour fresh paint over a moldy wall and call it a renovation.
But that’s exactly what many leaders are doing.
We want to talk about vision, innovation, culture, and impact—But we skip over the slow, necessary, holy work of tearing down what never belonged in the first place.
The truth is:
- Some habits have to die.
- Some beliefs need to be let go.
- Some ambitions need to be refined.
- Some reactions need to be mastered.
- Some mindsets need to be overcome.
- Some systems need to be repented of.
- Some expectations need to be clarified.
- Some tendencies need to be overturned.
- Some internal scripts need to be rewritten.
- Some assumptions need to be challenged.
Unlearning isn’t trendy. It doesn’t look powerful.
But it is absolutely essential if what you’re building is going to last.
What Does Unlearning Look Like?
Unlearning is:
- Identifying beliefs that served you in survival but are killing your leadership
- Asking hard questions about why you lead the way you do
- Taking ownership for the dysfunction you normalized
- Sitting in discomfort long enough to hear what God wants to heal
- Letting go of the version of yourself you built around fear, pride, or insecurity
This work is not quick. It’s not glamorous. It doesn’t go viral. But it’s how foundations are rebuilt in truth, humility, and strength.
If you don’t unlearn:
- You’ll recreate toxic systems inside your “transformative” organization.
- You’ll repeat cycles you thought you’d outgrown.
- You’ll drain yourself trying to sustain a version of success that was never aligned with your healed self.
Unlearning is where the actual maturity kicks in. It’s where wisdom is born. Not from what you know, but from what you’ve had the courage to let go of.
If the Foundation is Off, the Future Won’t Hold
Jesus said you can’t pour new wine into old wineskins. Why? Because the old ones can’t stretch. They’ll burst. In the same way, your old mindset can’t carry the weight of your new calling.
If your foundation hasn’t been cleaned, healed, and strengthened—every new opportunity will eventually feel like pressure. Every platform will feel like punishment. Every season of growth will expose the weak spots you never dealt with.
As you invest in your next level—your next vision, your next move—commit to equal investment in unlearning.
- Don’t just build. Excavate!
- Don’t just consume. Question!
- Don’t just evolve. Rewire!
This is slow-cooked personal development. Not microwaved self-help. This is about doing it right, not just doing it fast.
Call to Action: Clean Before You Build
If you’re serious about your personal development, stop obsessing over what you need to add. Start asking what you need to remove.
Unlearning is not optional.
It’s a sacred part of leadership development. And if you neglect it, everything you build will be vulnerable to collapse.
You’re not called to just look the part. You’re called to become the kind of leader who builds what lasts. Slow down long enough to unlearn. Clean the container. Deal with the old wineskin. Then—and only then—can you build something that lasts.
So here’s your challenge:
- 👉Take one hour this week. Just one.
- 👉Turn off the input stream.
- 👉Sit with a journal or a blank screen and ask: What do I need to unlearn before I build more?
This is where the real growth starts.
Not with a breakthrough—but with a break-down of the old way.
You’re not falling apart.
You’re clearing space to rebuild—right this time. Because only when the foundation is sound can what you build actually stand.
Journey with Della 